so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
