So drunk its hurt
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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