i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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