what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
