Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He kissed a someone with a penis
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I still have a little drunk in my system
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
