Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
