GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
