Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
