i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
