i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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