Kiss
Puke
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
