OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
