If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
