She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
