No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
