just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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