He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
