She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize