How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
