woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
