I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You can't just leave with hair like that
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
