I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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