I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
