Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
