areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
