I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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