If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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