The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
