I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
