I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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