we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
