Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
