I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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