Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
