I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
