ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
