I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
