Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize