not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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