dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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