What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
