Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
BRING THE BAGELS
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
