Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
