In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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