When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
do nipples grow back?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
