Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
