The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
