I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
