I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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