There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
do nipples grow back?
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