I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
