It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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