he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
