Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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