Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
