Your tits are I can't wait for
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
