I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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