oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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