Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
