I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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