I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
