I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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