Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
