There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
