please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
