i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
