u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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