Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
