hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
