my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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