we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
