We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
