Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
