He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
