Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
